[IRP] More comments, fyi.
Mon Oct 4 13:49:42 EEST 2010
-----Weitergeleitet von Rolf H. Weber/at/UZH am 26.09.2010 12:02 -----
An: wolfgang.benedek at uni-graz.at
Von: Rolf H. Weber/at/UZH
Datum: 26.09.2010 12:04
Betreff: Charter of Human Rights
You have asked me to go through the draft 1.0 (Sept. 10) of the Human Rights Charter. Let me say in advance that you did an excellent work; if I'm giving comments it obviously looks very critical, however, it is only meant to address certain aspects from different angles and not meant to question the quality of the Charter.
1. Generally, in my opinion the Charter is too long (I'm going to mention a few examples later); I would propose to shorten it to the key messages and rights and bring the more detailed provisions into an attached Explanatory Report.
2. As far as the systematic is concerened I would probably do it slightly different; in particular Art. 6 is the centre for me and should perhaps become "already" Art. 3.
3. Art. 2 b could be shortened (some slight repetitions and explanations which could be moved to an Explanatory Report, see No 1 above). Furthermore, I think that net neutrality is at a systematically "wrong" place (Art. 4 b) and should rather be combined with access.
4. I would also shorten Art. 2 c and Art. 2 e by moving text to a Report (see No 1 above).
5. Shouldn't you include protection against state interference into cross-border traffic in Art. 3 a?
6. Art. 4 b: see No 3 above.
7. I'd change the systematic order of Art. 5 b and Art. 5 c and delete "environmental" (sustainability is enough).
8. I'd combine 5 d and 5 e as well as shorten the text by moving part of it to Report (see No 1 above).
9. Please delete second part of title of Art. 8 b since it is not mentioned in the text, but included as Art 6 c.
10. As you know I'm pleading for more privacy and data protection, but I find Art. 9 and Art 10 too detailed; I'd shorten by moving text to Report (see No 1 above).
11. Art. 9 d seems to be at a systematically wrong place; defamation rather goes with Art. 6 than with Art. 9.
12. I'd shorten Art. 11 a (move to Report, see No 1 above).
13. I have some problems with Art. 12 b, title and contents do not fully correspond, you do not mainly talk of human rights and you use a reference to a technique (DRM) which might be irrelevant in 5 years (eventually replaced by other techniques); in my opinion this provision should be carefully reviewed.
14. In my opinion, Art. 19 has more the character of a preamble than of a human right (apart from the fact that the contents of Art. 19 d are already covered by Art. 15); therefore, I'd put the text in the beginning of the final Charter as Preamble.
Again, thank you for the excellent work which you have done and please do not mind that I bring (too) many comments to your attention.
Have a nice weekend.
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